Week 3: Almost Fully Human

Hi friends! First, please accept my apologies for being a horrible blogger and failing to update for an entire two weeks. However, the reason for my absence is basically that life has returned to (more or less) normal.

That being said, there's plenty to update on. My last post was on Day 8 post-op and I was a little flummoxed that I felt so well. That hasn't really changed. I have had no real pain since the last time I mentioned it. There have been a couple occasions where I have overestimated my ability to *do* stuff, though, and I've paid for it. If I do anything too strenuous or bend over too much, I get a cramp in my side that is really uncomfortable and nags until I chill the hell out. It's not really pain, I guess? It just seems like an ordinary, everyday cramp that just so happened to become a thing after there was a big hole cut in my abdomen and stitched back up in that general vicinity. There's an internal stitch that I am told will likely make its presence known off and on for like, the rest of my life. Nothing to worry about from a medical perspective, though, so that's good.

The only other thing I'm kinda concerned about is that I have been kind of dizzy when I stand up lately, especially if I am standing up from laying down or reclining. I don't know if it's blood pressure, blood sugar, or dehydration, but I think I will probably want to ask someone about it in the near future.

On Monday, May 9, I had my two-week follow-up appointment with the dietitian and one of the NPs for the program. They were both surprised that I did not cheat on my liquid diet at all and were pleased to see that I was recovering so well. They gave me the go ahead to progress to the pureed food stage a couple days early. WOOHOO, right!?

Um, maybe. Maybe not. Friends, let me tell you a secret.

PUREED FOOD IS AWFUL.

The basic tenet for this phase of the plan is that if it can be blenderized to the consistency of applesauce, you can eat it. Of course there are still restrictions -- no bread/grains (although I was allowed oatmeal -- if I pureed it) but otherwise, go forth. I was really excited to try something like chicken salad, because I was SO tired of how most of the stuff on my liquid diet phase was sweet rather than savory.

So that evening, I made myself some chicken salad for dinner. And pulverized it. It was certainly applesauce-y. It was also fucking disgusting. Pureed chicken basically turns into a gritty powder, and there is no amount of mayonnaise or greek yogurt or any other mix-in that can make that not a thing. I took like two bites and that's as much as I could handle. The rest became treats for the cats and dog. Bleh.

I did discover, though, that ground meat purees a little better, so one evening I had a little pseudo-taco salad with refried beans, turkey taco meat, and cheese pureed, then added sour cream and more cheese and a little hot sauce. I can't say it was enough to make me enjoy purees but it didn't make me gag, so that's cool, right?

Otherwise I basically relied on the old standbys - canned soup (no rice or noodles, of course), yogurt, applesauce, and Jell-O.

Here's a little idea of what some of my meals have looked like:

Thrilling, right? Soup hasn't been too bad. One evening, Derek made one of his "specialties", that I normally really enjoy so I was looking forward to being able to eat it. It tasted great; however, the chicken, again, was awful and gritty and basically... no thank you.

Thankfully, I have tolerated everything pretty well, so I made the executive decision to progress my diet to the next stage - soft foods. My first day on soft foods was Wednesday this week, but I'm not overdoing it. I have enough guilt about cheating and moving to the next stage quicker than I'm technically supposed to, so I'm trying to at least be responsible about it.

For dinner on Wednesday, we had brinner (breakfast for dinner)! I had a scrambled egg and one link of breakfast sausage.

Y'all. Can I tell you how fucking LIBERATING it was to CHEW something for the first time in a month!? It's phenomenal. I almost feel human again!

Like I said, though, I'm taking it slow. I've been trying to limit myself to one soft-foods meal per day for now, partially because I don't want to overdo it, but also partially because I want it to be easier to tell what I might not be tolerating. Also, I am eating soft foods that are like, puree-adjacent, like tuna salad, oatmeal, slightly-less-chunky soups. So far, though, everything has gone really well, although I am still working on stopping when I'm full and not feeling like I need to clean my plate/bowl. I'm using toddler-sized bowls and plates, so my portions are SO much smaller, but my brain hasn't quite caught on yet that I need far less than I used to. I haven't pushed myself too far, though. Thankfully.

Also, I am learning that I have cues to tell me I'm full and should put the damn fork down. Apparently it's not uncommon, but I get the hiccups when I'm full. It's so weird. Sometimes it's just a hiccup or two, but other times it's a legit spell of hiccups. I didn't get them often pre-surgery so this is definitely something I'm trying to adjust to.

As I get closer to the original point I was supposed to switch to soft foods (May 26th, if you're curious), I might be a little more adventurous. For now, though, at least there's soup.

In other news, I've had my very first post-op NSV (non-scale victory). I have an entire drawer full of t-shirts that fit me a long long time ago, but I never wear them anymore because they were 2XLs and while I could squeeze into them, it just wasn't comfortable. Well, I pulled one of those shirts out of my drawer for the first time this past weekend and not only did it fit PERFECTLY, with a little room to spare, it felt like it wouldn't be long before it was too big. All of my 3XL t-shirts are now solely shirts to wear around the house because they're just too big. It has been a very long time since anything I've owned was too big. Derek was fiddling around in our coat closet yesterday and pulled out my 4X winter coat from last year, which I had honestly completely forgotten about because I basically never wear a coat, ever. He mentioned how I wouldn't be wearing it this year and I started to object, but... no. He's right. Even if I don't lose one single pound more, it is officially a puffy tent and will not suffice. HOORAY!

In the interest of keeping this from getting too long, here's what you've been waiting for. The first PHOTO UPDATE, with my most up-to-date "after" photo. The far left is me at my highest weight in 2018; middle is the start of the pre-op diet in mid-April, and the far right is this past weekend, right after I put on the t-shirt I hadn't worn in years. (Please ignore how exhausted I look. I am, in fact, exhausted... but let's just ignore it here, k?)

The deets:

HW: 346

SW (program): 308

SW (pre-op): 282.6

SW (surgery day): 272.3

CW (5/20/22): 262.4

Loss to date: 83.6 from highest; 20.2 from pre-op; 9.9 (ugh, seriously?!) from surgery.

I've been kinda bummed that I've only lost ~10 pounds since surgery, but I know that my body is still trying to get its shit together. When I consider the fact that I've lost 20 pounds in just slightly over a month, which from that perspective is fucking BONKERS, I feel a little better. Also, I started my first post-op period this week and I'm navigating the whole concept of understanding how my weight fluctuates during my period thing, because my cycle has never been consistent enough to keep track. If it weren't so fucking annoying, I'd call this an NSV too. But for now it's just annoying.

More to come! And I promise it won't take two weeks this time!