Day Four: The Natives Are... Well... Really Freaking Hungry.

So, show of hands -- how many of you have ever had to do a clear liquid diet? Typically they're advised prior to abdominal surgery or as a recovery from said surgery or a stomach/intestinal illness to allow all your innards to heal and relax from trauma. Makes total sense that I would need to do this clear liquid mess now, right?

Yeah, except what they DON'T tell you is that the clear liquid diet is only generally meant to be followed for a few days, not TWO FREAKING WEEKS. Sigh.

Okay, so, full disclosure, while this is a very drastic diet that should NOT be followed without the specific guidance/recommendation of a physician, it is medically managed and balanced so that I am not putting my actual health in danger. In my case, in addition to the clear liquids, I'm drinking about 800 calories of shakes per day, totalling anywhere in the range of 80-110g of protein. So while the caloric deficit is extreme, I'm technically consuming way more protein in a day right now than I generally had been prior to this. And specifically from the surgical perspective (as opposed to weight loss & bowel rest), this diet will shrink my liver so that it is less likely to be in the way during surgery, and lowering the risk of complications.

So, basically, this isn't unsafe or anything, and I know exactly why I am doing it and am 500% committed. (Side note: My husband should BE 500% committed -- to a psychiatric treatment facility -- because he is willingly going through this with me for no good reason other than moral support, because he knows that we enable each other and if he were to eat "as usual" while I'm being solids-deprived, I may still be perfectly capable of getting through it but probably ten times grouchier about it.)

Aside from that, I knew what I was getting into before I even started this process last year. In true Sarah fashion, I have been researching and rabbit-holing this surgery for years now and I was well aware that this was going to be a requirement. Some programs do things differently and allow a very strict diet of actual food; some don't require a full two weeks, etc.; and some people need longer than two weeks for maximum benefit. Between my own excessive need for information and knowing more than a few people who have had the surgery themselves, I think I've been more prepared than most for this process.

It just still really sucks. I didn't realize how important chewing was to me, frankly. I haven't really been as hungry as I thought I would -- the protein shakes are doing a pretty good job of keeping that in check. My blood sugar has stayed stable, which I was also concerned about. What has been the most jarring is the more acute realization of how much food plays a part of my/our everyday life, and trying to manage going on about my usual business with it gone.

It's no secret that food is a huge part of our culture. Most cultures, as a matter of fact. And it's not just about the food. It's the company, and the use of time. As an example, Derek's parents came to visit yesterday so they could come to Lukie's first tee ball game. They come into town fairly regularly, and their visits almost always involve a family lunch together. It gives us something to do, a way to get out of the house, and a chance to spend time with each other. They enjoy being able to treat us to a meal (despite our objections, usually) and we enjoy the change of pace. But yesterday, Grandma and Grandpa took Lukie to lunch at McDonald's on their own, getting some QT with their favorite (read: currently only) grandchild. While they were gone, we... really didn't know what to do with ourselves. We took a good few minutes to bask in the silence of our house, because that is most CERTAINLY not an adjective that is used often to describe our life. But then we just... kinda sat here. Derek played a video game for a little while, I fell into TikTok on my phone, but that was just... it. It was fine, no big deal, but it was a little disappointing to not be part of the fun.

At practice on Friday

Hey family! How do I look?

First game, at-bat, and base!

Aside from that, while we're thrilled to be saving a shit-ton on groceries, it's weird to just... not have to think about food. No meal planning, no "what do you want to do for dinner?" conversations, nothing. What the hell do we talk about now!?

Confounding matters is my own personal drama in that I haven't lost nearly as much weight as I would've hoped by this point. I KNOWWWWWWWW, it's only day 4 and this is a marathon, not a sprint, but ugh, I'm literally consuming the least amount of sustenance possible and I still can't get my body to shed weight any faster. If nothing else, this drives home the point that surgery really is the best choice I have at losing weight, getting healthy, and enjoying my life with my family.

So anyway, that's enough rambling for now. The latest deets (with a refresher of previous):

HW (highest weight): 346

SW (starting weight) - start of program: 308

SW - program completion: 293.9

SW - pre-op diet: 282.8

CW (current weight): 279.6

GW (goal weight) - surgery day: 267.8

Total loss: 66.4lbs

Pre-program loss: 38lbs

Program loss: 28.4lbs

Days left until surgery: 10

Pounds from goal: 11.8

*deep breath*

I can do this. I can do this, right? I can totally do this.

Oh, one quick other little observation - one upside to being so singly-focused on this pre-op diet is that I am focusing more on the perspective of how long until the pre-op diet is over rather than how many days left until surgery. That's definitely eliminating a little bit of the panic factor, which for me is pretty huge. I'm sure it won't stay that way, as the realization is hitting me as I write this that I'm about to enter single digits, but it has helped for now. Yay.

Share your thoughts, friends! It means a lot to me!